


Sleepwalking and Despair

by ChillyHollow



Category: Cormoran Strike Series - Robert Galbraith
Genre: Angst, Despair, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:29:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23427775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChillyHollow/pseuds/ChillyHollow
Summary: The few days just before Robin's wedding to Matthew Cunliffe are not pleasant.
Relationships: Robin Ellacott/Cormoran Strike
Comments: 1
Kudos: 31
Collections: The Cormoran Strike Fest of Firsts





	1. Sleepwalking

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt "angst," from the 2020 CS Fest of Firsts

Two days before her wedding found Robin at home in Masham, drowning in the minutiae of the ceremony.Flowers, place cards, gifts, thank you notes, a last minute menu change, packing for the honeymoon, it all took time and energy although every bit of her mind was focused on what she’d left behind, what she had lost.A tsunami of questions from her mother about trivia occupied the day so that sneaking looks at her cell phone, hoping for a call or text that never came, was difficult. 

The only quiet time she had was after she went to bed at night, but it wasn’t a peaceful quiet. She tossed and turned, checking her phone constantly, wondering if she had the nerve to call Strike and beg for her job back.She knew he had walked away from his girlfriend of sixteen years without a backward glance, so what chance did Robin have to talk him into forgiving her?When she finally fell into an exhausted sleep, it was to dream she was back at work, talking about their current client with Strike over cups of tea, or sitting with him at the Tottenham for a Friday night drink after a week of surveillance.She would relax then, secure in being herself around someone who valued her intelligence and hard work and who never tried to change her.

Then she would wake up, frustrated to be back in the present, with nothing to look forward to except getting married to someone who didn’t approve of the job she loved.Matthew himself was no help with her turmoil; he paid little attention to her but he was incredibly cheerful, ingratiating himself with her parents, pretending to help with the wedding arrangements though Robin noticed he was more a hindrance than a help. She wondered if he knew, or cared, that he was a consolation prize in her life.As self-centered and lacking in imagination as she had finally realized Matthew was, probably he had no idea.

She checked her phone again.Nothing.Sitting in her childhood bedroom, she stared at the wedding dress hanging on the closet door without really seeing it.She was seeing Strike yelling at her, shouting “gross misconduct” at her when she was only trying to protect a child.She still thought she was right in her actions, but she’d never expected him to fire her for going against his express orders.She knew he was right that she'd endangered the business, but she thought he should have understood that protecting a child trumpeted all else.She sighed.If she could do it over again, would she, knowing what it would cost her?She thought not.Together she and Cormoran could have found a way.Next time….But there wouldn’t be a next time.

Her older brother Stephen sought her out.Of her whole family, he was the only one who seemed to notice that Robin was coasting through her wedding.Robin pretended things were ok.What was the point of telling Stephen how bereft she was?There was nothing he could do to help her.He accepted her explanation that she was tired from all the preparations, but she knew he didn’t believe her.As he left her in her bedroom, he paused in the door and said, “You can always back out of this wedding, you know.”

Robin nodded at him.“I know.”But there was no point.She had lost the job she loved along with her mentor, her partner, her best friend.The only path open to her was to go through with the wedding and try to rebuild her life.It should be possible.She loved Matthew, didn’t she?Or did she?

When she daydreamed it wasn’t about Matthew.She was back at work, watching Strike at his desk, his big hands typing away at a report.She was at the Tottenham, letting him buy her a white wine.She was on surveillance with him, pretending to be a couple, and he pulled her toward him and kissed her….

She woke with a start.She was in her bedroom, the night before her wedding, longing for something she could not have.She checked her phone again. Nothing.She didn’t have any photos of Strike but she didn’t need any.His image was in front of her no matter what she did.She should follow his example when he broke up with Charlotte, from all accounts the love of his life.He continued on, working harder than ever.Of course she didn’t have work.She just had Matthew and a meaningless wedding ceremony and a life that was set out for her by Matthew. 

It would have to be enough.


	2. Despair

Three days before Robin’s wedding, he was almost paralyzed by anxiety.He finally decided, “What do I have to lose?” and called her, leaving a voice mail when she didn’t pick up.He apologized for yelling at and for firing her, asked her to come back to work with him, and told her all over again how sorry he was for losing his temper and yelling at her.He left everything important unsaid.She was getting married to someone else, after all.She didn’t need to hear how she was as necessary to him as breathing.

He made his plans, laying his trap carefully.He called Shanker, picked up the things he needed to carry off his disguise, and laid in wait until it got dark.While he waited, he called Robin again.Again there was no answer.Of course she was mad at him.He would deserve it if she never talked to him again.But he had to tell her he was sorry, beg her to come back to work with him.He managed not to think of her when he searched the serial killer's lair, fought with him, took him down, spent all night with the police explaining his reasoning as to why this man was the killer they’d been hunting.But her image was always in the background of his thoughts.At least now with the killer who’d been stalking her caught she was safe, even if he never saw her again.Why didn’t she call him back?Hoping for a call or text that never came was driving him mad.Was the wedding keeping her so busy that she couldn’t take two minutes to call?Was she so angry she didn’t want to talk to him?That wasn’t the Robin he knew.

But if he never saw her again or got to talk to her, he was sure he’d shrivel up and die.Or drink himself into an early grave.He knew he’d fired her, not only because she’d defied him and put their business into jeopardy, but because she had put herself into danger deliberately and she was marrying someone else, someone who didn’t deserve her or appreciate her.He couldn't bear to think of what might have happened if Shanker hadn’t been there with her.At least she had the sense to take Shanker but he was still furious she hadn’t asked **him** to back her up.Weren't they partners?

Well, they had been, until he put his foot in it.She’d never speak to him again unless he took decisive action.Which would require Shanker, damn it.He debated how to come up with the cash to get Shanker to drive him to Yorkshire, reluctantly decided there was nothing left to pawn, and called Shanker to beg for his help.Which Shanker—amazingly—gave on the promise of an IOU.That was a miracle.

He got himself cleaned up as well as he could because of the injuries inflicted during his struggle with the killer and put on his best suit.Shanker was waiting for him downstairs and had brought coffees, which was another miracle.When they stopped for gas, Shanker bought a paper that had the story of his catching the killer on the front page.Perhaps Robin would see that and feel safer, at least. 

Strike dozed in the car, trying not to think about Robin, the wedding, what he would do if she refused to speak to him.He needed her badly.The business was nothing without her.His life was nothing without her in it, even if she did marry that wanker.This had nothing to do with sex.In weak moments he dreamed about what it would be like to kiss Robin, to stroke that glorious hair, but the best dreams were of them sitting in the office, arguing about the best way to get the proof they needed for a client, or in the Tottenham, talking about the week’s work and plotting the next week’s schedule, being himself with someone who valued his insights and hard work and who never tried to change him.He was private and self-sufficient, or so he’d thought, but it turned out that Robin was necessary for him to live, food for his soul.He’d be lost without her in his life. 

He told Shanker to drive faster.


End file.
